I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
