dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
