So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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