Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the condom got lost in my hair
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Randomize
