I cut my penus on the lid.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
