Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
