i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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