Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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