It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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