I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Houston, we have a squirter
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
