Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
