I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
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is wine microwaveable?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You are a genius and a whore.
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