she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
