that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
