I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
