porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
