I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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