dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
