Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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