I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
