I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
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