I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My vagina just recognized that song.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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