oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
