just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
