All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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