You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Drunk is not a location!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize