I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
