This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
