I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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