i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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