if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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