i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
