farters have to be the big spoon...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
