How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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