Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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