For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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