Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
