I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
