my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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