I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
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So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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