i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
