But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My hand turned me down
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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