I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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