I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
