Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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