It's Friday. Sex?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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