I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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