We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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