i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
