Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
