fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
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