Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
