Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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