was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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