Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
