i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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