am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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