Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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