Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
