Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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