my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
