anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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