he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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