I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
