i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
A+ Viking dick
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize