The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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