well I can't set my house on fire every night
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
