Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
