matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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