Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
