You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My cat gives me a boner
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
