ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
