I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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