she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
