The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
