I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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