I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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